Oh, Christmas Tree!
by ilovetvalot
Summary: When Reid attempts to aide Morgan in finding that perfect specimen of a Christmas tree, chaos ensues when their interpretation of what perfection means interfere.


_**Author's Note:**_

_**Hold on folks, this is a long note today! First, Tonnie and I would like to announce that signups for Chit Chat on Author's Corner's January Challenge-The Happy New Year's Challenge are open thru December 30, 2010. Simply swing by the forum (you can link to it thru our profile pages) and sign up with the pairing you'd like to see written and three prompts associated with the holiday. On Jan 1, 2011, you'll be assigned a random pairing (not the one you usually write) and three prompts to write by January 30.**_

_**Second, I have a question for my readers. I truly enjoyed last night's CM episode, "What Happens at Home" and the introduction of the character Agent Ashley Seaver. I intend to do some stories with her character incorporated into a pairing and I'd like to know who you guys would like to see me pair her with. I know the obvious choice is Reid, but what about Hotch or Rossi. Anybody that knows my work knows I'm a sucker for older man/younger woman pairings. So, shoot me a pm or review and let me know what you think. I think the world of you guys and value your opinions!**_

_**Just a reminder, December 25th is right around the corner. Everyone that signed up for the CM Christmas Fic Exchange, please remember your stories. We want this to be a WONDERFUL gift experience for all involved. If you have any questions, feel free to pm either myself (ilovetvalot) or tonnie2001969.**_

_**In other forum news, please check out our newest discussion thread, "Serious vs. Light - Which gets the most response?" It is a discussion of serious vs. light stories and the response they get from readers. We also have new interviews with Clarebones and musicxlife4 up for your reading pleasure.**_

_**Also please check out the discussion thread entitled, "The Fine Line Between T and M ratings". There's a great ongoing discussion there, too.**_

_**Finally, if any of you have any idea for issues/activities that you'd like to see "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum tackle in the form of discussion threads and/or challenges, please let us know. We want to bring you all some really fun threads in the New Year!**_

_**As always, thank you to every reader, reviewer, and person that favorites or alerts one of our stories. Hearing from each of you means a great deal to each of us. We truly value your thoughts and opinions. Now, on with our story!**_

* * *

**Oh, Christmas Tree!**

"Oh, hell no!" Derek Morgan yelped wildly as he watched Spencer Reid point toward his alleged choice of Christmas tree. "No way, no day. Mama might think you're the prettiest of all the boys, but you take her that wannabe Christmas tree, and I promise you, my Baby Girl will figure out a way to inflict a Christmas homicide on your sorry ass with one of those flimsy branches," he snorted, crossing his arms over his chest defensively as Reid looked up at him with offended eyes.

"But..." Reid yelped, his fingers stroking the pine nettles carefully lest some of the precious greenness fall to the snow covered ground, "Garcia said the tree was up to me this year."

"Yeah," Morgan nodded agreeably, arching a brow, "but she expects you to choose a tree. Not a half-dead shrub, Genius."

"But this tree is going to go homeless, Morgan," Reid argued vehemently, waving a hand toward the nearest branch. "Just because it's a little battered doesn't mean it doesn't deserve a good Christmas, too."

"Listen, dude, you bring Penelope Garcia that so-called tree and you'll be homeless. She will burn your apartment down for gifting her with that tree travesty."

"She will not," Reid snorted, rolling his eyes at the theatrics of the older man. "She likes me." The "_unlike you_" went blessedly unspoken. Even he was smart enough to know that he need not remind the older man of his current persona non grata status with the technical whirlwind. Evidently being eight months pregnant with Morgan's progeny did not a happy Garcia make.

And the entire world knew about her definite unhappiness. She had made sure of it.

"Listen, kid, you're right," Morgan stated with a deep sigh. Pursing his lips as Reid's eyes rounded dramatically, he snorted, "That's right. I said it! You're right! But her liking you won't change the fact that if we go back to the BAU with that tree," he said, jabbing a finger toward the rapidly wilting plant, "she won't punish you. She'll punish me. Somehow, some way, she'll find a way to make YOUR lousy choice in Christmas trees MY fault."

"My choice is not lousy. It's unique," Reid retorted, his slim shoulders stiffening, any sense of sympathy he'd felt for the tall muscular black man eradicated by the dispersions being cast on his selection of Christmas tree.

"Reid, that tree is brown...BROWN! Look around you," Morgan ordered, sweeping his arm in a wide arc around the lot of cut pine trees, dozens of selections included in his purview. "It's a sea of freaking green and YOU manage to zone in on the one dead, brown tree in the place. Christmas colors are Red, Blue and GREEN. Not brown, not beige...GREEN! The branches are supposed to be full and lush," he yelled, tugging a Douglas fir forward as an example. "Not thin and scraggly," he said, nodding dismissively at Reid's tree. "When you run your hand through the branches, it's supposed to lose a few needles...not half the branches on the freaking tree."

"With a few decorations, this tree can look every bit as nice as any you choose," Reid argued, his chin set mutinously as he faced his colleague across the tree lot.

"You put lights on that tree and you'll set the Federal Building on FIRE, Pretty Boy," Morgan snorted derisively. "And think how THAT will look on your personnel jacket. Aren't you still being watched after that physics joke gone horribly wrong last Halloween?"

"That was TWO years ago and a complete misunderstanding," Reid objected indignantly, pulling his shoulders back as he prepared to defend his choice of past times. Was it his fault that the powers that be had no sense of adventure?

"How the heck do you misunderstand a smoldering microwave, Reid?" Morgan asked incredulously, rubbing a hand over his cold head.

"Well, have you young fellas made a decision yet?" the elderly Boy Scout troop leader asked just then as he stepped toward his customers. "We're fixing to close shop for the night," he added, looking between the two glaring young men.

"Yes!" Reid answered clearly, pressing his lips together tightly.

"No!" Morgan yelped, shaking his bald head furiously. "Sir," Morgan said, turning pleading eyes toward the aging man in the light brown uniform, "help me out here. Tell him that thing he's holding isn't a Christmas tree," Morgan said, gesturing toward the tree Reid still clutched. "Tell him THIS," Morgan said, shaking the branches of the Douglas fir he held, "is a TREE."

"They both look like God's trees to me, sonny," the Scoutmaster shrugged, pulling his brown jacket closer around him.

"Seeee," Reid sneered.

"Reid," Morgan warned, taking a step toward the younger man as he quickly ducked behind the elderly tree salesman.

Glancing over his shoulder, the tree seller asked with a sigh in his voice, "Brothers?"

"Sort of," Morgan admitted with a nod. "At least in arms. We're FBI agents. Ones that aren't going to need to worry about any bullets taking us out. My wife is gonna do the job herself if he takes that tree back to her."

"She'll love it," Reid countered, his head appearing over the elderly man's shoulder. "She'll say it has personality. Unlike yours."

"What's wrong with my pick?" Morgan grunted, jerking his head toward the majestic fir beside him.

"It's pretentious," Reid said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. "Penelope will love my choice."

"She'll love it all the way out to the mulch pile," Morgan retorted, crossing his arms over his chest again.

"All right, boys," the old man said, turning and patting both their shoulders. "I'm sure there's a peaceful resolution here. Why don't you take both trees to the lady in question and let her decide?"

"I guess that would be okay," Morgan muttered, glaring at Reid's tree.

"It better be," Reid replied, made brave by the fact that Morgan wouldn't dare kill him with a witness present. "It was my year to pick!" he added belligerently.

And as the old man gestured for his Boy Scout grandsons to help his last two customers of the day to their truck, he shook his head. He didn't know who he felt sorrier for: the two men, the wife at home, or the couple of trees currently being loaded.

But as he watched the older black man slap the back of the sandy blonde's head, he sighed.

Definitely…the trees.

_**Finis**_


End file.
